Many parents look at discipline as a HARSH thing - a 'solemn office', when it is truly nothing more than guiding a child to see that:
Their actionsAffect others
Their energy is Valuable
They are Needed in the world.
Sometimes a little thing like FUN can steer kids in the right direction, making the right thing seem like a better choicethan the wrong thing (in the long run).
However, sometimes parents accidently give the wrong message, and this is what their kids hear:
"I want YOU to be pleasant and have good manners so you won't offend ME, but I want to be able to order YOU around unpleasantly and force you do do what I say (and obey me like a ROBOT)!
In other words: "Do as I SAY - not as I DO!"
Who wants to follow THAT? Not me, that's for sure!
Dwight D. Eisenhower used to say that being a leader is like pulling a string.
“Pull the string,” he said, “and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all.”
It takes a lot of work to be a leader! At one time or another each one of us as parents has probably thought, "WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?"
We have all made mistakes as parents, but you can begin NOW to become the LEADER, by acting the way YOU want THEM to behave.
It's a lot of work to to act the way I want others to act. But nothing will change until I do.
When we DO get ourselves under control, and calmly STATE what we want our kids to do, and then MODEL that behavior ourselves, there's hope we can guide our children to follow our example!
Mahatma Ghandhi influenced millions of people in his lifetime. He said:
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Leave an example your children will remember and follow (if not now, then later) to guide the way. We mustn't give in to childlike behavior ourselves, or we will lose our power. When people tried to get him upset, Ghandhi used what he called, "Passive Non-Cooperation". We can teach our children there are CONSEQUENSES to every action, without losing our cool. Here are some tips on Discipline at this link:http://www.gomommygo.com/consequenses.html
WHAT KIND OF MOTIVATOR ARE YOU? Basically there are 4 ways to motivate a person to act or behave a
certain way.
From the worst (in the long run) to the best, here are the different
ways:
1-FORCE:
This is where you are basically saying "DO it or else" (Works only short term, and has repercussions later)
2-
GUILT: This is where you attempt to make the person feel bad if they don't
help you. (For instance, "Why do you make me suffer like this? I'm
working so hard for you...". Again - it is only effective for short term)
3-INCENTIVES:
The carrot at the end of the stick, the "If you do this, I'll do
that"(When the carrot is gone, the motivation vanishes)
4-LOVE:
A person will go to the ends of the earth, without pay, for someone they
love.
As a wise man once said: “Rules
without Relationship lead to Rebellion”
What IS the BEST way to motivate your kids to help YOU and teach them to contribute to the family?
You have to HELP them to WANT to help YOU!
Once you have that, the rest is easy!
How do you do that?
1- Keep up a good relationship with them. (No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care)
2- Be a GOOD EXAMPLE. Show you don't mind 'getting your hands dirty' to help, too (Your example will speak VOLUMES! If it's a chore, get in there and act like it's FUN. You may be pretending at first, but it WILL be fun if you're doing it together. Think of Mike Rowe from the show 'Dirty Jobs'!)
3- Once you've shown them HOW to do a job the first time, then let them show you they can do it!
Does that sound too much like work? It IS work, but work that reaps a great result in the end, Because you'll end up with 2 workers, not one. Eventually they WILL be doing it on their own, but they need you to be their sparkplug.
HOLD A HIGH VIEW OF YOUR CHILDREN. Not what you see, but what you KNOW them to be capable of.
Generate confidence with an enthusiastic smile on your face, saying, "I KNOW you can DO it!" as you ask them to reach under the toilet to clean it!
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